If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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