I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
