I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
