Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
