Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
