My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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