My liver just broke up with me...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
