6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
