Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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