I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
