why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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