Im at strip club and am horny
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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