if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
