On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my poor anus
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
