they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
