We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
