i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mom said you looked used
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
