I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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