Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
