The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Randomize
