dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
