Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
