Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
