I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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