i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
