"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
