I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
