rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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