I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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