I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
