did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
