yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
false alarm. still invincible.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
