i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she pinky promised me she was 18
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
