So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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