Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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