day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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