Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
