I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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