Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
