those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
