Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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