I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
