Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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