I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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