I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I booty called her while she was in labor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
