hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
