I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
