please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
where are my eyebrows?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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