well I can't set my house on fire every night
she woke up with a sticky ear
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
