Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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