mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
