stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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