i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
