you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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