Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
