Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
