I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
