I just pynch a tree in the face
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
