Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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