my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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