So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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