I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
