i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
