The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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