You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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