i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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