my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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