Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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