That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
